Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Deep Blue Sea - It gets better and better as it gets wetter and wetter

Should I admit to this being the most watched DVD in my collection??? Well it is. Renny Harlin has hit all the right elements for me with this film which means it is a movie that I can put on at any time and in any mindset. This Isn't a Taxi Driver or Apocalypse Now or the latest Foreign Language wire work ballet from Asia, this is pure unadulterated American Popcorn movie fun. So what makes it so good???

1) Its got sharks in it
2) It's tense. Set in the ocean, that's scary enough without the added tension of losing all forms of escape bar swimming.
3) There's no message aside from sharks are bloody dangerous and great movie bad guys
4) It's a low brow action movie that has managed to attract some top draw quality Hollywood actors. Samuel L. Jackson struggles to find bad material or make a film crap. The man oozes class and makes every movie experience 10 times better. Thomas Jane is the modern day Steve Mcqueen. He may be there for the ladies, but he has the charisma too. He's a mans man that any man can appreciate. LL Cool J is there for the comedy side and it's a role he plays so well. Plus he gets some great lines in this. Michael Rappaport is an acting genius and I'll deck anyone who says different.
5) Sandra Burroughs strips to her undies for no real reason apart form lightening the mood.
6) Its got Sharks in it.
7) It's got some great explosions and another Harlin Helicopter crash
8) Its the best underwater escape movie since The Poseidon Adventure (Original of course and I bloody love that film)
9) It's the best goddamn shark movie since Jaws.
10) It's got a big name death and it could not be more shoved in your face to avoid any doubt that it's about to happen if it tried. And that just makes it better.
11) If you can find a movie that smashes an underwater glass viewing panel in a better way then let me know.
12) It couldn't be a more formulaic action movie if it tried. Oh, you think that's bad. Well would you like it if your Cadburys Dairy milk or KFC seasoning tasted different? Well would you?
13) Did I mention the Sharks and Rappaport?

So there you have it. Find it, But it and watch it. If you don't like it then you have forgotten what entertainment is all about.

Deep Blue Sea (Keepcase)

Thursday, 4 March 2010

Avatar - The Last Rainforest

Avatar, Avatar, Avatar.

Avatar is the most over hyped (not overrated) movie in the history of time. You cannot fail to go and see this movie and be let down. I mean it's mean nominated for Oscars. And not just SFX ones. Real ones. Actually that's probably a good thing but it does show you that even the Academy have been swept up in all the hype. I mean it's effectively a sci fi cartoon. What were the chances?? then again District 9 is up to so maybe it's a lean year for their normal boring efforts.

So anyway on with the review of Ferngully. It's all about the 3D element isn't it. I wasn't that impressed, I never have been by 3D, 15 minutes in Disney World maybe. The Spiderman ride (Fecking Awesome) in Universal Islands of Adventure, definitely. But three hours. No way. Maybe it's my eyes. Or maybe it's that the cinemas aren't up to scratch or the 50 pence glasses don't warrant the Billion dollar investment. Like when the latest mobile phone comes with a 15 mega pixel camera but this effectively means bull crap if the lens is shite. Either way I wasn't blown away.

So 3D aside, Dances With Wolves is just an OK film. It's got some great fights, fantastic action, the animation is top notch and ultimately it is another Cameron classic. It's just not the all conquering movie experience it was purported to be. If it wasn't for all the hype re the 3D it wouldn't have become the biggest grossing film ever. People just felt they HAD to go, even if it just meant they could rebuff anyone who said 'well yeah, but you didn't see it in 3D'. I mean I saw some trailers and was in no mood to see it (and that's from a self confessed scifi, Cameron, action, bullshit movie fan). I still felt bullied into going though and spent a tenner for the privilege.

Trouble with all these Last Samurai fanboys though is their fantasies about the Blue Aliens. Yes that's the Blue ANIMATED Aliens. There's sites for you guys cos I think, as they say, It's Big in Japan.

Oh Avatar, how did you do it? I mean, even your movie posters are shite.

I'll still buy it on Blu ray though. What a sucker.

Evil - Canis Canem Edit

What a stunning movie. I was drawn into this movie from the very start. Probably because the opening is so violent and in your face, a bit like Romper Stomper, it let's you know what it's about early on.

It's set in Sweden a few years after the second world war and follows a bad kid with a violent upbringing that gets one more chance to succeed at a boarding school. The reason I mention the war, is that the hierarchy on show here definitely has nods to the Nazis. Using fear, power and violence to get there point across (plus looking a bit preened??), but nowhere near hard enough to carry it off. The main character (Andreas Wilson) is fantastic as the antihero and commands possibly the hardest screen presence I have seen since Ray Winstone's 'Carlin'. You are always waiting for him to kick off and you know his antagonists will not be prepared for that moment. This film reminded me a lot of Scum, in it's setting, authority and damn right nastiness from adolescents. It's easily as powerful as that film remains to this day.

An absolutely brilliant film and one I would recommend to everyone. If you are even slightly thinking about watching it then do so. Immediately!!

Imdb Link

2012 - Noah gets techno savvy

Roland Emmerich returns with another Earth destruction epic. He's used Giant monsters, Aliens and Mother Nature so far and it seems that he can't get enough of that earth bashing stuff. Not sure what he went for this time, I think it was the sun or something, but then I suppose it's not that important as it's all about what he can destroy.

Well this time he destroys just about everything as he seems to be preparing for a Waterworld re-boot. And that's just what he does. These films are all about the visual stupendousness of blowing up the world. Like taking the disaster movies of the seventies and amalgamating them into one big ride at Universal Studios. There is no doubt he is the master of this, but clearly the scripts are stuck firmly in the ass end of hell. There in lies the problem. He has the power to leave me watching in awe as he destroys well known landmarks by the dozen whilst not giving one cahoot about the tens of thousands of people that are dying. Ultimately this leaves me cold to whether any of the characters on screen live or die. As the film clocks in at about 2 1/2 hours there is far too much of this poorly scripted worthless filler.

And there is some fine talent on show if the script was good. Amanda Peet, John Cusack, Danny Glover, Oliver Platt, Thandie Newton are all there for you not to give a stuff about. Although I did think they were all about one step down the ladder from whom he originally wanted,

So there you have it. Long winded shallow disaster epic with some of the greatest visuals you will see this year or probably by 2012. You have to switch off the brain for far far longer than normal but I can hardly call this crap.

2012 (Two-Disc Special Edition) [Blu-ray] GodzillaIndependence Day [Blu-ray]The Day After Tomorrow [Blu-ray]

Wednesday, 3 March 2010

[ REC] 2 - Yeah, I'm still shitting my pants

[REC] blew me away when I saw it a couple of years ago. In a time when horror movies nowadays seem to be more about shocking and sick imagery than generally scaring the pants off the viewer it was a welcome addition to the genre. So to find out they made a sequel is just fantastic as I thought after the US remake -Quarantine - and the fact that only the US regularly churns out cheap sequels, that it was unlikely to happen.

It picks up straight after where the first one left off and pretty much continues along the same line. Because of this it is never going to shock you as much as the first as you know what to expect, it's even set in the same building as before. So rather than just continuing with the same kind of jumps as before, it adds a lot more to the story that was hinted at at the end of the first.

And it works. The first person camera view drags you in as before and then continually smacks you in the face. Once again, if this doesn't scare you, you're already dead.


Shoot 'Em Up - There goes my love rocket red

I really wanted to like this film as it contains all the elements that garner my interest. Cheap plot, crazy violence and Bellucci. But it just comes across as a poor Crank imitation. Unfortunately for the viewer Clive Owen is no Jason Statham. Apart from having a pretty bland name he has about as much charisma as Keanu Reeves after a lobotomy, playing a tree. And in a film like this Charisma is king.

Like I said, it's not all bad and I do want to like it more, it's just that at times, crazy that they are, the set pieces look a little too staged. Skidding under a table like you on a luge doesn't look cool and if you look like you're on a wire, you look like you're on a wire.

That's about all I can say really. Paul Giamatti is the only person on show giving this film some charm. Monica is starting to look like a forty year old actress and even the Henchmen for Hire don't have any redeeming features. In a world without The Stath then this might be better but the guy has made these films his own.

Monday, 1 March 2010

Ninja Assassin - F#ckin' A

Last year or so Sylvester Stallone made another sequel. Not Rocky But Rambo. Not that special to many as action movies had become PG13 rated legitimate teenage movie affairs like most of the supposed horror movies around or they had to have some deep meaningful subtext or twist. Luckily he raised two fingers to that suggestion and gave us some serious 80s violence with new millennium cinematic effects.

Ninja Assassin Carry's on with the new found cinema for glorified violence. Meaningless, plotless and so bloody gloriously violent. Loved every minute from the opening bust up to the crappy song as the credits rolled. It never really lets up (aside from the porn worthy script that links the violence) and for that it should be applauded. If you don't like this type of shallow showcase of violence then fair enough. I on the other hand.......Love It!!!!

Hoorah, at last movies have got back on track and started to become more violent than the video games that had imitated them in the first place. Hmm, video games!! Yes parents, 18 rated games are not for your little kiddies either so get your snout out and let me relish in some pure uncensored ultra violence. It's just a movie.